I write the software for Geneffects and tend bar at the Cat's Cradle in Carrboro, NC.

Saturday, November 06, 2004


In second grade my teacher sat the whole class down and told us that "AMBULANCE" is written backwards on the front of ambulances because, "when you see things really quickly, you see them backwards!" This made a certain degree of sense to me as I knew our brains vertically flipped the inverted images cast on our retina to right side up, so why not flip them horizontally as well? Plus, when someone tells you a "fact", it seems plausible, and they seem convinced of it themselves, then the tendency is to just go ahead and believe it. So you go on believing it for about 15 years until you decide to share your "knowledge" with your girlfriend and she says, "are you seriously a dumbass? It's written backwards so you can read it in your rearview mirror, dumbass!"

With that in mind, it's not surprising that misconceptions in the circles of sexual terminology and slang are fairly prevalent. Two such examples came to light for me in the past day; the absolute worst being that a phallus is a dildo with tassels on one end which is put in your butt, and, in doing so, gives the user the appearance of having a tail. The person telling me this was immensely confident that this was the true definition. I got the impression that she had heard this from multiple sources over the span of her life as she was thoroughly convinced of her correctness. She was only persuaded when we war-drove to a WiFi and found the definition. Pretty funny, hunh? Thought "phallus" was a tasseled butt-plug. ..Oh man, that's great!

I should not be casting any stones as it was recently revealed to me that I do, in all fact, live in a glass house. Loyal readers have come to know me as a Fort Knox of Filth and may be shocked to learn that for the longest time I was operating under a much more mild definition of red wings! After the initial shock wore down I exclaimed, "oh my god! Ronald McDonald! Nooooooooo!"


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