"Woah, dude" says the guy sitting next to me.
"Seriously," I say.
"That's fucked up."
"I totally know."
I call the pizza place and am like, "hey I just ordered a pizza and all and I have like sort of bad news or whatever? It's like, I didn't order broken glass as an extra topping. ... Yeah, I'm not kidding. ... Yeah I still have it. ... Could I like... ... Okay I'll hold. ... ... ... ... ... Right. So could you like..."
I end up getting this coupon for a free Medium pizza ("dude, you should totally like get a free large or something") and the crazy thing is it looks like this sort of shit happens all the time. The coupon has some straight-out-my-nightmares kind of anthropomorphized fork saying "Oops!" and on the back there's this general apology with an alphabetized checklist of what piece of trash accidentally ended up on your pizza:
- Bottle Cap
- Cigarette Butt
- Glass Shard
- Rat Dropping
- OTHER: __________
Totally frkn crazy, and they still won't give me a job.