I write the software for Geneffects and tend bar at the Cat's Cradle in Carrboro, NC.

Friday, December 31, 2004

Movies are Fake

I had a girlfriend who never missed an opportunity to remind me that porn is not real. "She's totally faking that, you realize?" You know what, I don't really care. Did I care that the actor playing Sloth in The Goonies probably wasn't a deformed mutant? Did I care that the T-Rex in Jurassic Park is really a computer graphic? Do I care that Tommy Lee Jones is a vinyl animatronic puppet? Do I care that Bart Simpson is actually a drawing? Why should I care that Tiffany Towers has fake tits?

So, yes, I know it's fantasy, but no need to spoil all the fun. When a girl makes me watch Sixteen Candles you don't see me nudging her saying, "you know this is all fake, don't you?" But you know, maybe I should. I think in some ways Sixteen Candles is more harmful to women than porn. Porn may alter men's expectations of women, but John Hughes will forever warp a little girl's expectations for the way life and love will play out.

Molly Ringwald would never have a chance in hell with that guy with the thick eyebrows. She should totally hook up with Duckie. Sure, Duckie may not be rich or handsome, but by god, the boy's got heart! That rich kid may be gorgeous and have deep, dreamy eyes, and, yes, he probably is dynamite in the sack and a caring lover who'll hold you all night and tell you you're beautiful and say it in a way that lets you know that he means your soul is beautiful and to hell with your dad who may not approve because he's older, but isn't dad like way older than mom?


donanova said...

ya know, you got the movies mixed up. You're talking about Pretty In PInk, not Sixteen Candles. I figured that was the real important point to your story, after all.

11:39 PM  
Anonymous said...

this reminds me...i was trying to think of this song the other day, i think it was totally in an 80's move or at least it should have been...it goes something like "i promise you...i promise you, i will" i dunno something like that. do you know the song i'm talking about?

4:02 PM  

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