A couple of nights ago some guy had, on his sweater, something which was either spit or semen. I point this out to him with the ususal, "hey buddy, you've got a little... uh... on your shirt there."
He looks at it then exclaims, "someone spitted on me! Someone spitted on me! I can't believe someone spitted on me!" He improperly conjugated for half a minute before I gave him a paper towel. After wiping and wiping and wiping he tosses the used towel on the bar.
"Oh, hell no," I say. "If you think I'm going to pick that up, you are high. Please throw that away."