I write the software for Geneffects and tend bar at the Cat's Cradle in Carrboro, NC.

Friday, February 18, 2005

A Bartender's Guide to Getting Girl's Phone Numbers

Want to score "tha mad digitz" and get "all up ons wit tha ladiez"? Sure you do. I mean, who wouldn't? Unless you're gay... and you're not gay, are you? Okay, so assuming you're not gay (which you're not) here's the lowdown: get yourself a job selling drinks. It makes that sort of thing ridiculously easy. Then follow this E-Z guide!

(Okay, I guess this also works if you're gay, so forget all that stuff I said earlier. It's cool. We're cool.)

Why is being a bartender the heat?

  1. There is no need to initiate conversation. If there is a girl you find hot, there is a good chance she'll be coming to talk with you at some point during the night. Without the awkwardness of the the approach.
  2. There is predefined emotional distance which requires for them to mentally approach you. This distance is established by the fact that you are "at work", that they must ask for you to get them something, and the physical separation provided by the bar between you and her.
  3. It's like you're getting them drinks without having to buy them, and that, my friends, is awesome.

Hey, yo, so how can you know if the girl is single or not? Easy. Remember: This is "out". Where you are is "out", and girls usually bring their boyfriends "out". If she's alone or with a girlfriend the chances are good she's single. Plus little things like her actually laughing at a joke or even just talking to you beyond simple drink orders are pretty good signals. If she's with a guy but you're picking up some "signals," you can always ask, "so, is that other drink for your boyfriend?"

If you plan on asking a girl out there is a progression to things. Formulaic, really.

  • First Beer) Eye contact. Smile. Minor Jokes

    Get the ten second conversation down. For the first two beers, don't be afraid to have to break conversation with her to take an order. Taking other orders avoids awkward pauses in conversation and gives the impression that you're on the go! Plus, it's like your job to take orders and stuff.

  • Next to last beer) Compliment her. More smiling. More eye contact. Ask her Name.

    The compliments don't have to be extravagant. Anything, really. "I really like your [shirt : necklace : bracelet : lack of patchouli smell]," then do that smile where your eyes kind of twinkle. Compliments are really just a way of letting her know that you have taken notice of her as a person, not a customer.

    When you ask a girl her name, for the love of Pete, remember it! Also remember what beer they are drinking. It like shows you're attentive and stuff. I'm especially bad at this whole remembering thing, so I've found that it's helpful to start a little list of the girls you've talked to. Include with their name a short description of what they're wearing, look like, or something distinguishing. Keep this list somewhere you can nonchalantly look at it and reference it when you see them approach.

  • Final Beer) Ask her out already!

    The real trick is judging what beer will be a girls final one. You don't want to ask her before then. If she ends up ordering more beer after you've gotten the digits it's always kind of awkward and you run the risk of doing something stupid like forgetting her name which is even more awkward and severely inhibits the possibility of future dates with said girl. No, you want for each instance of contact with a girl to be steadily more impressive.

CAUTION: When giving girls a piece of paper to write on, please be sure that there is not already another girl's phone number already on there. "Oh, there's room on the back" doesn't really help the situation.

After you get the number, make a note of some of the stuff you talked about either next to their name on the name list you made earlier or on the number itself. When you call later you can use this info as point of reference. You may also need to write her name on the number, but the girls will almost always do that for you. Keep track of when you got it so you can hold to the Two Day Rule.

Wait, what? She said "no"?

So she said no. Whatever. She doesn't know what she's missing. There is a secret to all successful mack-daddies: volume. Out of the sheer number of people with whom you interact, there are bound to be a few who don't find you too repulsive to date. Now get back out there!


Anonymous said...

what two day rule?

10:22 AM  
Recommending Mike said...

What's the secret to getting the eMusic guy laid? So far, "Hey there, want a free Rolling Stone subscription?" has done nothing for me. I mean, it hasn't even gotten people to sign up for free Rolling Stone subscriptions.

4:56 AM  
Geneffects said...

Sweet, beautiful Anonymous... If you've seen the movie Swingers then you know that you should wait two days before you use the digits you got from one of your sweet babies. Or you could be entirely gauche and call the very next day. I actually tried that once.

10:36 AM  
Anonymous said...

You called the next day? only a total floozie would go out with a guy that called the next day.

3:31 PM  
James Bond, 867-5309 said...

The trick is to dial the phone number she gives you as soon as she hands you the number. "Yes hello, this is the guy you met at the bar. Well, I guess you're not in right now. Holy shit, you're still standing in front of me. Well damn."

2:37 AM  
dread said...

i think you are a freking genious there should be more websites like this im impressed i didnt think of it. Good one.

12:02 AM  

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