A Bartender's Guide to Getting Great Tips
- Apologize if you make a mistake.
- Joke around; get 'em to laugh.
- Be courteous.
But all that stuff, the stuff I just said, it'll only get you mediocre tips. You'll get tipped, yeah sure, but you have to keep in mind that people would tip a Dippy Bird if one served them drinks. Those bits of advice assume that people are sane and rational and reward goodness. That is, of course as you may suspect, pure folly and not the way in which things function in all reality. This is a world where people have infiriority complexes and parent issues and an inner need to be accepted and liked and if you want to get paid the big bucks listen:
- Be a total aloof asshole.
- Never apologize, in all fact, criticize and guilt-trip whenever possible.
- Act as if every request is entirely putting you out.
- Acquire a general disdain for all of humanity.
Seriously, you'll be rolling in it. It may also help to be either strikingly handsome or tragically ugly. I am pretty sure that I am neither so I can't really vouch for one over the other, but I'd be interested to know which is more lucrative.
If you think of some more tips, you can post them if you want, but I don't really care so long as you don't bother me.