I write the software for Geneffects and tend bar at the Cat's Cradle in Carrboro, NC.

Friday, November 26, 2004

The iBrator

The first blue iMac had just come out and everyone was abuzz about the resurrection of Apple Computer. The iMac was the first major computer brand to use USB, the now common interface for connecting peripheral devices (printers, keyboards, etc.) to computers. Peripheral manufacturers jumped on the boat in a big way, and to resonate the fact that their products would be compatible with iMacs, the devices would be designed to look similar to the iMac and would be called something like the iCamera or iPrint or iKeyboard.

I was sitting in a car waiting for some friends to come and my mind started to drift and think of other peripherals that could be attached to the new iMac. It hit me like a flash: "The iBrator" About six hours later I had made the graphics, web page and put it on the net. I told a few Macintosh forums about it and turned in for the night.

I wake up to a horde of email; It was some sort of crazy over-night success. Millions of people visited the page. People made spin-off sites (including some impressive videos!) Porn stars were interested in making a real one. I was almost sued by Apple. Time Magazine even wrote a short blurb about it.

For a long time I was embarrassed by the notoriety. It was all fine and good for Frederic-Auguste Bartholdi to have a model Statue of Liberty torch on his grave, but I did not want some candy-colored phallus on mine. However, now that some time has distanced I can laugh about it. It used to be a pain in the ass, but now it's a pleasure to be around.

Thanksgiving Aught Four

Thanksgiving has typically been a time of intellectual creativity, insight and inspiration... especially when I am at the beach. It was at the beach that I wrote my first paper on Genetic Algorithms. Last year I wrote a lot of pretty good songs.

This year I am not at the beach, but I still feel some residual brain-goodness. I've been working on the Image SEO site, which doesn't really require much brain power, but it makes me feel like I am doing something.

There is a lot different about this year, least of which is no beach.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004


I dd nt hve a lt of gd xpcttions 4 d Bncng Sls shw on Fri. I xpected ther 2 b a lt of kds ther rdring Cke n 25-cnt h20 cps. I xpected 2 wrk my azz off al nght 4 myb 10 dlrs n tps (thnk u, nvalid tpng pool!) I dd nt xpect 2 met a rlly, rlly cool grl.

I wuz slted 2 go out wth Brk Sat nght, bt she cncled, so I thght, "wht d hck, I'll be ntirly goch n gve dis grl a cll d dy fter gtng hr nmbr." We gt 2gethr n dspit her dscribng prt of d dte as her "wrst nghtmr," thngs wnt prtty wll, I thnk. So wll tht I cncl plns w Alxs so we cld go 4 a wlk d nxt dy - prhps d mst butifl dy of d ntir 365. Dat wnt so wll dat I cncl plns w Lndsy on Mon so we cld hng out 1 fnl day b4 she lft 4 Thnksgvng.

1 fnny thng bout dis grl iz dat ther iz no 1 featur or chrctrstc I cn pnt at n sy, "see ther? Dat's y Im gng out w her." Ther iz smthng 1/0 yt cmplng about her - sm sential prt of her bng whch I fnd ndeniably atrctve. Diz knd of tng duz nt hppn 2 me ftn, so I m stll wrkng on hw 2 deal. Hapy bt cawshs.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Library Run

I just started a Fun Links blog to house the interesting sites I find. I'm also thinking of starting a blog chronicling the library books I check out. In lieu of that, here's my score for today:

  • Reason, emotion, and music : towards a common structure for arts, sciences, and philosophies, based on a conceptual framework for the description of music - editors, L. Apostel, H. Sabbe, F. Vandamme. - Wilson - Music - I read this book about ten years past. A section on the microstructure of music really sparked my imagination.
  • The (mis)behavior of markets : a fractal view of risk, ruin, and reward - Benoit B. Mandelbrot and Richard L. Hudson - Davis - Benoit is a badass.
  • Statistical analysis of DNA sequence data - edited by B.S. Weir - M/P - I'm applying to grad school, and this guy is the head of the dept. Figure it'd be good to bone up on his works.

While at Wilson I visited the rare book collection. That place is amazing. I had the privilege of handling (and totally drooling on) a 700 year old, illuminated, vellum bound book on astronomy! Plus I had a nice exchange with that cute librarian on whom I've had a crush.

Ghost Caught on Film?

I was sent this email, and I'm not one to buy into the whole ghosts-are-real thing, but this video Is actually kind of creepy.

Begin Email ---------------------------------

I really don't know how to explain this video I just downloaded. Here's the copy from the site I found it on. When you see it, tell me what you think it might be, because I'm stumped:

"This is is a car advertisement from Germany . When they finished filming the ad, the people who made it, noticed something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist.

If you turn up the sound, you can also hear whispering. The ad was never put on TV because the unexplained ghostly phenomenon frightened the production team out of their wits. Watch it and about halfway through (after the car comes from behind the trees) look closely and you will see the white mist coming up from behind the car and then following it along the road!"

View the commercial

Monday, November 15, 2004

A Moving Day

Moving Lance and Arica yesterday was a blast. I think I could maybe muster together like two or three people to help me if I were to move. There were thirteen people seeing to it that they moved to Mebane (one exit away from Pure Gold!) Negotiating that piano was great.

One interesting thing to note about that couple: I don't really bring home girls to meet my parents (reasons) but I sometimes, if I've seen them for more than a week or so, introduce them to L&A. The interesting thing is that every one of them - and maybe they are just being nice - says that L&A are like the best people in the world.

After twelve hours of hauling boxes, I am dropped back off in Carrboro to work the Delgados / Crooked Fingers show. A show, I shall say, to which I have been looking forward for quite some time. Huge Delgados fan. Kind of awkward. As it turns out I just hang with KFM for basically the whole Delgados set then, out of nowhere, end up feeling her boob (jokingly, platonically - Molly, not Holly) for about twenty seconds while her friends nervously walk away. (Aside to K: Bachman would have totally done it and was visibly disappointed to have not had the opportunity.) Congrats to K, by the way, for hitting the big two-five two days ahead of schedule!

Some miscellaneous funny things from that show: Some girl hitting me in the arm as hard as she can and then asking me to hit her in the arm as hard as I can. I totally wail on her arm. A bum I kick out threatens to kick my ass then improvises a "fuck you" song on his harmonica. Main Delgados guy loses his wallet. I see him again later at OCSC, inquire, and he found it on the bus. I say, that's good, because if I had found it, I would have sold it on e-bay. "I wouldn't expect any less of you, " he says back! But really, I don't blame him for pigeonholing every American as a greedy crook.

The next night brought Badly Drawn Boy and a lot of deja vu. A lot of the same crowd; arm-punch girl was there. Even the bum that threatened to kick my ass showed up before soundcheck. He snuck into the Cradle and when I told him to leave he caterpillar's from one end of the floor to another. BDB stops playing entirely to watch the spectacle.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

X-Ray Specs?

Have lens filters been developed which see just below fabric reveling our hidden goodies? This company has a lot of convincing image examples showing the inside of a bag, with the final example hinting at how people will really be using this. My guess is that if this is for real, then the bag fabric is used as the main example because it is particularly conducive to this band of light emissions.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004


Must... reach... P..B..R!

Billy Sugarfix is at it again!

You can't keep a good Billy down! Fans of Evil Wiener may enjoy a Custom Songs or Custom Music written for them by EW's front-man, Billy Sugarfix!

Shucks, Billy wrote the theme for the awesome internet radio show No Love for Ned. He could do it for you!

This Blog sponsored by the BSF foundation.

Online Drum Machine

I just wrote an online Drum Machine. No matter where you are, if you have an internet connection, you can make those funky MIDI drum beats.

Club news: A couple of nights ago Robert Earl Keen played and it was like voting Texas population was uprooted and placed in my small, liberal town. The constant "four more years!" in between songs was only slightly mitigated by the pleasure I had in kicking out the under-age-drinking Bushites.

Saturday, November 06, 2004


In second grade my teacher sat the whole class down and told us that "AMBULANCE" is written backwards on the front of ambulances because, "when you see things really quickly, you see them backwards!" This made a certain degree of sense to me as I knew our brains vertically flipped the inverted images cast on our retina to right side up, so why not flip them horizontally as well? Plus, when someone tells you a "fact", it seems plausible, and they seem convinced of it themselves, then the tendency is to just go ahead and believe it. So you go on believing it for about 15 years until you decide to share your "knowledge" with your girlfriend and she says, "are you seriously a dumbass? It's written backwards so you can read it in your rearview mirror, dumbass!"

With that in mind, it's not surprising that misconceptions in the circles of sexual terminology and slang are fairly prevalent. Two such examples came to light for me in the past day; the absolute worst being that a phallus is a dildo with tassels on one end which is put in your butt, and, in doing so, gives the user the appearance of having a tail. The person telling me this was immensely confident that this was the true definition. I got the impression that she had heard this from multiple sources over the span of her life as she was thoroughly convinced of her correctness. She was only persuaded when we war-drove to a WiFi and found the definition. Pretty funny, hunh? Thought "phallus" was a tasseled butt-plug. ..Oh man, that's great!

I should not be casting any stones as it was recently revealed to me that I do, in all fact, live in a glass house. Loyal readers have come to know me as a Fort Knox of Filth and may be shocked to learn that for the longest time I was operating under a much more mild definition of red wings! After the initial shock wore down I exclaimed, "oh my god! Ronald McDonald! Nooooooooo!"

Productive Day

Friday, November 05, 2004

Soundtrack for a New America

The Imperial March
John Williams
Remember when Fleetwood Mac provided the president's theme? Weren't those the good ol' days?

I'm Afraid Of Americans
David Bowie

Bowie, at the time, was probably just being dramatic.

God is an American.

Suck a Cheetah's Dick
Wesley Willis

When your realize that the majority of the country considers who you to believe a criminal as actually kind of an okay guy, you just want to tell them to "suck a greyhound's musty ass, motherfucker!"

Human Behavior

Little Icelandic sprites are not the only one's confused, here, Bub, okay?

Howard Dean Loses (and Loses It)

One of the many remixes of Howard Dean squealing. Had Howard had a little more restraint, would our country have a new president today? The first time I heard that shriek of Dean's it was from the radio-alarm clock in the wee morning. It jolted me awake like a bad dream.

...Then we're going to Washington, DC to take back the Whitehouse! Yeaaaaaargggh!

All You Need Is Hate
The Delgados

Find it in your heart and every waking sound.
On your way to school, work, or church, you'll find it's the only rule.
Through the different world hate will help you find what you've been waiting for.
Hate is every where. Inside your mother's heart and you will find it there.
You ask me what you need?
Hate is all you need.

That's Life
Frank Sinatra

Thank you, Frank, for reminding us that life is not always as it should be.

That's life, and I can't deny it.
Many times I thought of cuttin' out, but my heart won't buy it.
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here July,
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die!
My, my!

Instruments Of Fear
Fin Fang Foom

A local to Carrboro group. Apropos that they originated in Florida.

BJ Snowden

The new national anthem should be sung buy a 300 pound woman of questionable intelligence from Canada.

A place that is a home.
You go from East to West.
These sections are the best!
A place where you can be.
You go from North to South.
And flow from sea to sea!

End of the Run
The Dirty Politicians

A great ending song for almost any mix CD.

No more sorrow
No more pain
Nothing to lose and
Nothing to gain
No more truths
No more lies
No more tears left to be cried
No more fame and no more glory
This is the ending of our story
No more battles to be won
It's the end of the run.

The Greatest Number of Popular Votes of any President in History

In introducing the newly re-elected George Bush, VP Dick Cheney said Bush got "the greatest number of popular votes of any president in history." How can this be when Bush only took home 51% of the popular vote?

Keep in mind that :

  1. The population of the United States is larger than it has ever been
  2. There was record voter turnout at the polls

George could have won by one vote and still garnered the greatest number of popular votes of any president in history.

Oh, and what was up with Bush's moniker for Karl Rove? The Architect? C'mon.

My Letter of Resignation

I love many things about America. I respect the freedoms and privileges I have been afforded in my life as and American. However, I am concerned that my continued presence in this country silently implies my support of the actions of this country's leadership.

I quote from the Declaration of Independence:

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

I submit my reasons to expatriate:

  • I am, and will continue to be, disgusted with our presence in Iraq. I do not want for my tax dollars to continue to fund these ventures.
  • I regret the alienation of our global allies.
  • As the popular vote sided with Bush, I no longer wish to be associated with the majority of Americans.
  • I feel that within the next four years the rights and opportunities of women, minorities (ethnic, sexual, religious), and the non-wealthy will be further compromised.
  • With further war, increasingly bad health-care, inattention to education, the bankruptcy of social-security, economic failure, etc. on the horizon, America is not an attractive place to live.
  • I feel that the present leadership has foreseen America's economic decline and, in a self-fulfilling prophesy, has quickened the process by repeatedly favoring the wealthy.
  • I believe in acting as a citizen of the world, and expatriating is resounding vote against American policy and actions.

Thursday, November 04, 2004


Want to congratulate the president? Xeni Jardin of BoingBoinghad a great idea: Send 1600 Pennsylvania Ave a congratulatory bag-o-pretzels!



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