I write the software for Geneffects and tend bar at the Cat's Cradle in Carrboro, NC.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Okay, its official, I'm freaking people the fuck out.

"Don't go over there! He just sittin' over there! He just sittin' over there!"

Does anyone want my candy?

All these trick-or-treaters walking by... I've given up on being inside and am now sitting on my porch waiting for them to approach. Yep, just walk on by. Is my mask to scarry? Do I look like a psycho? Do psychos wear white masks and type on their laptops on their porch and want to give people candy?

Okay, I just gave out some candy... but the kids... the kids were pretty obviously scared. Good to know that I can just sit here and be scary.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Suckin' V. Fuckin'

"So, what your saying is that of the dicks around there are two basic types: dicks that are good for suckin' and those good for fuckin'. Do I hav that right?"

"Right, and you can't really have one that's good for both."

"Well, this begs the question: which would you prefer in your boyfriends? If you had to choose between a suckin' or fuckin' dick, that is."

"That's tough because both are better for different occasions. Valentine's Day: Fuckin'. Hockey Game: Suckin'."

Conversation with MC OMG

"Do you know how long John can go?"

"You mean how long he can have sex without stopping?"


"I'm guessing... two hours."

"Three hours. We went from 4:30 'till... uh... however long three hours is from that. I don't know... I need to go back to college."

"Three hours, hunh? How many orgasms on his part?"


"How many orgasm did he have in that amount of time?"

"What do you mean have an orgasm? "

"...You're kidding, right?"

"What's it mean when a guy has an orgasm?"

"A-----, there is a physical manifestation of a the male orgasm which you really can't miss."

"You mean ejaculate? Oh, he didn't really go at it until the very end. Oh my god! What are you going as for Halloween?"

Great Pumpkin

Thank you Lance for hosting yet another totally awesome Pumpkin Carving Party!

delicous pumpkin

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


Tuesday, 9PM, I head to NY. Tuesday, 9:15, I'm pulled for speeding. Wednesday 5AM, pull into Hackensack NJ at the Super8 Motel. Wed, 11:30 arrive in Valhalla, NY for interview. Interview lasts until 4PM. 4. P. M. 6:45, in Manhattan with Leigh.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Tour with Portastatic

Went with Margaret for one Portastatic show in SC at The Village Tavern. I sold the hell out of some motherfucking merch! Some South-Carolina-goodness style fireworks were purchased...

Stopped by St. Andrews for about half an hour. That's pretty much all I needed.

I think I just saw Kristin at the OCSC. At first I didn't recognize her, then I kinda figured it out as I was leaving. I pretty sure she totally ignored me. What's the dilly with that?

Save Allan

Please help to save Allan. He's a 20YO Carrboro kid dying of cystic fibrosis. I just donated some and I have less than all of you reading this! (trust me)

Monday, October 17, 2005

I'm Going Out of My Fucking Mind

Since the much anticipated Mog the Destroyer is making her way into town tomorrow I really, really wanted to get this fucking Google program working. The fucked up thing is that the brakes were slammed on this project from step-motherfucking-one. I can't even get their cock-sucking demo code to compile! How weak is that?

Viva NC!

As you know, I do lust for the Fall, and frickin' love the St8 Fair. I've recently started reading the Craigslist. I loved NC missed connections like this one. "You were at the state fair on Sunday and I saw you at the pig race for the 5:00 show."

A couple of nights ago some guy had, on his sweater, something which was either spit or semen. I point this out to him with the ususal, "hey buddy, you've got a little... uh... on your shirt there."

He looks at it then exclaims, "someone spitted on me! Someone spitted on me! I can't believe someone spitted on me!" He improperly conjugated for half a minute before I gave him a paper towel. After wiping and wiping and wiping he tosses the used towel on the bar.

"Oh, hell no," I say. "If you think I'm going to pick that up, you are high. Please throw that away."

Friday, October 14, 2005

Pig latin

A company wanted me to write a program which would make three "people" that would tell three different jokes. Then the jokes would be told in Pig Latin. I swear.

I got the program to synthesize three different voices using the ATT text to speech experiment:

I learned a lot of things today. One thing Billy and I both learned is that negroes don't like it when we try to "groove" with them.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

More Posts

I realized recently that things which would normally be events to a lot of people are no longer worth mentioning for me. Or, wait, what I mean is that I don't think of mentioning them. Like the Sufjan Stevens post, for example, some kid passed out and and started having a seizure becuase he ate an 1/8oz of mushrooms before the show. Did I mention that? Nope. I thought some trite, "what's supdog?" joke was more entertaining. Last year set a high bar for what became a blog, but, at Leigh's request, I'm going to make more of an effort to write at least a little more.

Hardcore JLC

Last night was a hardcore show. Screaming, flailing, moshing, fighting, bleeding, etc. Some young teens were there and I swear to god almight I heard one of them say this to one of his friends, "have you heard the band Jump Little Children? They're pretty good. Not as much moshing, but still pretty good."

I'm Kind of a Jerk

The day after Valentines I was at Harris Teeter and saw that roses were crazy cheap. I bought a dozen for the Cradle, because that place could use just about any help it can get to look better. When I came in I saw an intern and with a humorous impulse I handed her the flowers saying, "you know, I've always had a crush on you and... well... here."

I just got this email:

hi! so, you probably don't remember me, but that's ok, I don't really care. you see, I was an intern at the cradle and um, you pretended to give me roses the day after valentine's. to be honest, I thought that was hilarious. I still laugh about it. anyway, I thought I would give you a boost of confidence, like you even need it, but a couple years ago I really did have a crush on you b/c I thought you had a nice smile. don't you love how alcohol makes people honest? yep, so, that's about it. have a great night, or morning, or whatever, depending on when you read this.

Fuck. I am a huge prick. She's right about the "like you even need it" because at times I'm really a self-centered narcissist; e.g. this whole blog entry. I try to come off like, "oh, I'm really sorry for being such a jerk," but in reality it's more like, "check out that some girl had a crush on me!"



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