Monday, January 31, 2005
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Last night for the Pedro the Lion show, I found it amazingly easy to convince this one guy that the Bass Ale he just purchased is really pronounced "base". The idea came from this one record store where the clerks would call every record with "bass" in the title by the alternate pronunciation. But then, these people were "really cool" and it was "really cool to work there." Was I cool enough to pull this off? After telling him I shrug my shoulders in the this-kind-of-thing-happens-all-the-time kind of way. I hold eye-contact for a while and he looks at the floor.
"What'd he just say," his girlfriend asks.
"All these years I've been saying it wrong! I'm such an idiot!"
Kevin and I looked at each other, both of us visibly choking back the giggles. I really liked the idea of him going to another bar and ordering a nice, cold Base.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Philosophy of Occupational Therapy
"Occupational therapy" is an appellation loaded with imagery of high
school guidance counselors or Kip-esque
recommending wrist-braces and Lumbar supports. It's not, of course,
but what encompasses OT is kind of nebulous and (at least for me)
slippery to grasp. From what I have gathered, the central philosophy of
OT is helping people to engage in activities which bring meaning to
their lives, and (this is important) this meaning is best determined by
the individual. In other words, Occupational Therapy aids in the
discovery of one's path to meaningful occupation. This is tricky, this
discovery. A pillar of OT is to be respectful of a persons insight
into their own condition, so the discovery process must be equally
engaged in by both subject and therapist.
At the training session for Volunteers for Youth:
COORDINATOR: Okay, we weren't expecting this, but there's a camera guy
here from ABC News. Anyone want to do an interview?
ABC: Why should kids have mentors?
ME: 'Cause like everyone needs a someone out there saying like you can
do it or to just try to... I mean... [Now totally not saying what I am
trying so very hard to say:] They should learn to just no go on.
I don't know where it came from or really remember what I was actually
trying to say, but basically I told ABC News that kids should just
learn to accept defeat. Wonderful.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Corey and Kelly: a former couple with gender-reversed names, and
friends of the XGF. Today XGF calls up:
ME: Hey, I saw Kelly at the bar the other day and he told me he's
XGF: Oh, I can't date the ex of a friend. That'd be wrong.
ME: Why not? I'm totally dating Corey, so I don't see the problem.
XGF: [hang-up sound]
It was obvious in my tone (or so I thought) that I was joking. Billy
sez I'm the only person he knows who's sense of humor causes more
personal trouble than his does. I think XGF just likes hanging up on
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Poem of the Unknown Author
The last day of class for 8th grade english was spent reading any poem
that we wanted. This was strictly voluntary, but as there was nothing
else to do, most ended up reading. Many kids chose the shortest poem
they could find. Others, just wanting to be bastards read the longest
thing in the book, which was the acknowledgments page. I read the
Stiff dog death
All froth on a bloody chin
Skinny man death his master
Opened the traffic hedges to let him in
Foolishness his disaster
It wasn't enough for him to scare the truck
He had to bite the tire
Fools have no luck
I don't know who wrote it or what the title is, but I'd really like to
know as it is burned into my memory.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Various Types of Nervousness
In Genetics the professor asked of the class of 200+ a very, very
simple question, and I found it funny that I was fully prepared to be
nude for a life drawing class in a few minutes, but was intimidated to
speak up with the answer. I guess that just goes to show that when you
conquer one nervous fear there will always be plenty more. It kind of
sucks though that courage from one facet of life doesn't naturally
transfer to others.
It turns out that my services weren't required in Life Drawing
(scheduling mix-up; their fault) so I sat in on the class. It was a
female model and I was struck by how differently she was treated than I
normally am. No one ever talks to me after class! No people
practically line up to show me their drawings! In fact, if after class
I walk around to check out the drawings people usually flip their pad
Friday, January 14, 2005
Culling your iTunes
Wanting to trim your iTunes library? I think a good way to start is to
look at songs that you have had the longest but have played the least.
You can do this by making a smart playlist with the following criteria:
- Date Added - Is not in the last - 6 - Months
- Play Count - is less than - 6
Use your best judgment when picking numbers, but 6 seems to do a good
job for me. Then go to your newly created playlist and sort by play
count. The tracks near the bottom are your most likely suspects for
Thursday, January 13, 2005
"All right, that was the latest single from Fourth Generation Nirvana Rip-off! Let's go to Chopper with our evening traffic. How are the roads lookin' today, Chop?"
"Thanks, Reg. I'm live-in-the-sky with a rush-hour update! We're seeing some congestion on highway 54 near the 55 intersection where traffic is backed up about two light cycles. I-40 westbound is moving along as smoothly as possible considering that with all the construction it's been reduced to one lane. Out on the Belt-line there are minor d... Wait a minute... Reg, I'm presently over I-40 and we've got a driver on the westbound side nearing the Jordan Lake exit who has apparently gone insane and stopped in the middle of the road! As I said before, it's one lane, so 40 has instantly become a parking lot! Okay... It looks like she has gotten out of her car to make a phone call!! Cars are honking and hand gestures are being made to convey to this young lady that perhaps this isn't the best of ideas. Reg, what could this girl be thinking?"
"Maybe she's taking those 'don't drive and talk' bumper stickers a little too seriously?"
"Entirely possible as she has clearly lost her mind. One moment... it looks like... Okay... she's getting back in her car... okay, it looks like she's going now. Okay, folks it's... No.. wait.. she's stopping again and making another phone call. It's like she's taunting us!""
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
An advantage of living in a college town and maintaining an evening
work schedule is that, if you desire, a few nice emails to some
professors will essentially get you a free education. Most professors
are more than willing - excited even - to have someone who is not an
actual student in their classroom. I think this is typically due to
the fact that people "sitting in" genuinely want to be there and turn
out to be ideal students.
This semester, as prep for some as-yet-to-be-pursued bioinformatics
degree, I am sitting in on BIO 050 - Genetics. The class is set in "SC
0103." After a quick search I find a campus map and see that the only
possible "SC" is the Stone Center. I had never heard of this building,
but it made perfect sense as its location is near the biology/botany
buildings. I pull up on my bike 10 minutes before class and my
confidence is shattered like a frozen banana. Marked prominently on
the building's edifice is "Stone Center - Black Heritage Resource
Center". Oh... shit. I have no idea where I am or where I need to be.
I pull it together and head inside to ask advice. Ian, the young man
at the desk, is befuddled. "Genetics class? Man, what?" I convince
him that, yes, I am in fact retarded, but maybe he could get on that
computer of his and help me out. We discover that - lo and behold! -
the class is being hosted at the Black Heritage Resource Center and I'm
actually 30 minutes early! (I seem to be pretty bad with times these
days... I missed the GRE when I replaced a "5th" with a "9th" in my
brain. I stood up a friend when I simply forgot it was Tuesday.)
Now, I've been out of the academic game for a while and the mental
acuity is a little less... acute. I had some trepidation that the
material presented would be above my head and everyone else would be
nodding with comprehension. This, it turns out, was not the case.
The prof put up a generic cat and dog style comic and asked how on
earth this could relate to genetics. My fears were quickly assuaged
when some kid in the front row suggested that, "dogs and cats are
different, and there's a reason... maybe?"
I have good feelings about this semester. I like the professor's dry
sense of humor. "I apologize for specifying molecular size with
Angstroms... I understand that kids these days are using nanometers."
If I can keep the 4AM betimes on Mondays and Tuesdays to a min I should
Monday, January 10, 2005
Thank you, world, for introducing these sentences into my personal
- Wow... Thanks.
- Well, I mean, no more than normal, I think. But I guess... I mean,
what's normal for abuse?
- I don't think that's going to happen tonight.
- Oh my god, I'm crying!
C'mon, oh-five! Pick it up!
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Paul Is Dead, Man, Miss Him Miss Him
I found this page that offers brilliant explanations for how the artwork on various Beatles albums indicate that Paul McCartney is presently dead.
Abbey Road ~ If you look in the background (hard to see in this picture), the liscence plate on the VW Bug says "LMW 28IF." I've heard that the "LMW" stands for "Linda McCartney Weeps." The "28IF" part means that Paul would have been 28 years old...if he had lived. The cover is a funeral procession, John is the preacher (wearing white), Ringo is the Pallbearer (wearing black), Paul is the corpse (barefoot, as people are buried in England), and George is the gravedigger (Wearing blue jeans). Also, John wears white, the mourning color of the Eastern world, and Ringo wears black, the mourning color of the western world.
Something about "Paul is dead" is way funnier, to me, than "Elvis is alive," because I wonder what Paul thought about that whole thing.
CROWD: Oh my god! Paul McCartney is dead!
PAUL: Um. No, I'm not.
CROWD: Whatever shall we do now that Paul is dead?
PAUL: I'm not dead.
CROWD: So young and handsome! Why Paul?
PAUL: Actually, I'm quite alive.
CROWD: Why couldn't it be Herman from Herman's Hermits?
Yo, man, you gotta let my girl, Dee in, man. She's my girlfriend. Man
I am in love! [SINGING] I'm in looooove.... with a married woman!
[/SINGING] Not really. That's a song. You know that's wrong. Don't
you? You know that's wrong? I did that once though. I was fuckin'
this bitch in 'er 'uzband's bed. That don't feel good. To fuck a
bitch when 'er 'uzband's at work. You can get 'urt doin' that. I
said, "Bitch! I ain't doin' that no more!" I did it twice. But that
was it! I said, "Bitch! I ain-a doin' that no mo!" An she was
spendin' her 'uzband's cash an' sayin' "please don't leave!" 'Cause
she wanted my body. I let her 'cause I'm a musician an' I needed the
money! I'm fifty-some year sold. I fuckt Bitches all over the wurld.
One bitch was gonna spend twenty-thousand dollars on me! She was gonna
fly me to Paris! I flew to Paris and it ruined my marriage. You make
choices. Fly to Paris or have a Marriage. Rich bitch who fly you to
Paris or poor bitch with dignity. This girl, man, my girlfriend. She
is a fine black woman. Eva-ry time I try to fuck her she says she 'as
a 'eadache. We been goin' out far five weeks an' I ain' got no pussy.
Is that too long? What do you think? If she say she got a 'eadache
today I'll tell the bitch I got some Excedrin on my dick! You should
marry someone who loves you, not someone you love. That's another