New Year's Resolutions Aught Five
No - or significantly less - pornography
The internet is great and all, but wow, I think that it provides, much like drugs, stimuli which humans were never really supposed to experience. If your brain is used to the idea of "sex" as being five-way DVDA orgies, then that could, as my theory goes, diminish the enjoyment of actual sex. Not cool.
Be more artistic
When I was a kid I was all sorts of into art. I got really good really fast, but then didn't grow. Then it got to the point where every knew me as the artist and every present was some sort of colored pencil or something. That got kind of old. Still, that wasn't so bad. The main nail in that coffin was doing graphic design. That really killed it. Doing art for money is not something at which I am good. So maybe I should try to make a painting a week.
Start a band
I've been talking about it... Writing songs and fragments... I've got some people wanting to do it... What's the problem? I think I should also try to write a song a week. Maybe a song a day? That would be crazy, but un-do-able? It'd be crazy easy to do that if I had a new computer. Thanks a lot, G3 chip! (I still love you, Precious.)
It has been a while. It really has. The last few times were kind of... taxing. but I think I'm ready again. I'll probably end up doing something with Volunteers for Youth.
Movies are Fake
So, yes, I know it's fantasy, but no need to spoil all the fun. When a girl makes me watch Sixteen Candles you don't see me nudging her saying, "you know this is all fake, don't you?" But you know, maybe I should. I think in some ways Sixteen Candles is more harmful to women than porn. Porn may alter men's expectations of women, but John Hughes will forever warp a little girl's expectations for the way life and love will play out.
Molly Ringwald would never have a chance in hell with that guy with the thick eyebrows. She should totally hook up with Duckie. Sure, Duckie may not be rich or handsome, but by god, the boy's got heart! That rich kid may be gorgeous and have deep, dreamy eyes, and, yes, he probably is dynamite in the sack and a caring lover who'll hold you all night and tell you you're beautiful and say it in a way that lets you know that he means your soul is beautiful and to hell with your dad who may not approve because he's older, but isn't dad like way older than mom?
I'm not sure which came first: burning then death or death then burning, but all I know is that my oven and a poor, unfortunate mouse were involved.
That can't be a good sign.
Thanks, but no.
Thank you for applying for the Girlfriend position at Brian Risk, Inc. We have reviewed your experience and education against our current requirements and we feel that our current opening does not offer a close match to your background.
We wish you well in locating the opportunity you desire
OOOh, it's a by product of clothes you dry. When cleanin' dryer lint, you'd better close your eyes.
When your father in law sez, "dry your shirt!" Beware the dryer lint or your eyes will hurt!
Oh, dryer lint! Dryer lint! Nothing could be worse than dryer lint!
Dryer lint! Dryer llint! Gonna put a curse on dryer lint!
Paid for by Fathers In Law Against Dryer Lint In Your Eyes (FILADLIYE)
Now, we all know, that, in general, men are the sexual persuers. Women may make initial body cues, but, again in general, the guys take the action. Tonight however, under the freshly waxing moon, the girls were way hornier than the guys and it showed. Lauren's dog must have picked up on this, or was maybe just making a general political statement, and to my complete and silent glee he begins humping a poor dancing girl's leg. Seeing this unfold was quite a treat. At first there is shock. The girl, dancing by herself, suddenly finds that she has a partner. This shock quickly turns to awkwardness as there is not a predefined social protocol for this situation. Any other dog may have been kicked away without a thought, but this mutt has powerful connections. Lauren, the dogs owner, is also part owner of the club as well as a principal member in the performing band, Boner Machine. The final resolution was to keep on dancing as if there weren't a dog dry-humping her kneecap.
It kind of made me wonder. This girl whose leg was humped was pretty attractive, but do dogs really discriminate? Does a dog ever wake up in the morning, kind of hung over, then look over to the pillow next to him to see the ugliest leg he's ever laid eyes on?
ECHHS Battle of the Bands '04
I guess a goal of mine is to travel more... I mean the most exotic country I've been to is Canada. How about you? (...) Travel to anywhere cool like.. oh.. I don't know... Africa?
(...) My inhaler? Yeah, well, I've had asthma all my life. You ever have any health issues? (...) You don't say... Ever had a dura mater transplant? (...) Anything which required clotting factor concentrate?
Hey, let's play a little game... We each ask a question about something we may have done, and if you've done that, then you have to take a drink. (...) Okay, I'll go first. Ever have sex with a man who's had sex with another man? (...) No, we drink if we have done that.
You are really quite beautiful. Striking, really. I'll bet you've heard all sorts of pick-up lines. (...) Ya ever heard this one: If I bought you drugs or offered you money, would you have sex with me?
Knock knock. (...) Havyaeva (...) Havyaeva taken drugs with a needle? (...) No, seriously. Hey, where you goin'?
An Evil Wiener Christmas Show
My own personal favorite part of the filmstrip was Billy reading the dialogue, and then, like we're all rappers, the audience chimes in on every third word. (Some frames we read in the voice of Satan, and though I feared this would solidify my name in the evil lord's dark book, I still did it.) I also enjoyed the crayons and coloring sheets provided. I flipped mine and drew a Hershey's Kiss and cigarette butts instead of the Halloween witch outline on the other side.
The truly remarkable aspect of the evening is that Chapel Hill is filled with shoegazers who'll be damned if they shoe any enthusiasm for anything, so getting them to sing along to anything, much less Feliz Navidad, is just short of miraculous.
Oh, and while I'm thinking of it, some band names for Meredith:
- Twisted Monkey Fist
- The Barely Legal Teens
- The Shoegazers
- Hoppy's Bewildered and Blank Expressions
Brian Risk Chapel Hill Carrboro Cat's Cradle Blog
Conversations... of the Damned!
"I'd like a Miller Lite."
At that point, his order magically appears from one of the other bartenders. So quickly, in fact, that it is obvious this guy already placed his order.
"So you have been helped?"
"See, I was about to get you a Miller Lite. You would have had two; then what would you have done? Would you have given me a weird look and said 'hey, I only ordered one,' when, all truth be told, you actually ordered two?"
"Oh, no, I mean I totally understand. Hedge your bets, right? If you tell two people to get you your beer the chances double that you'll actually get it. Or maybe you think the beer will get to you twice as fast, or cost half as much. Hey, here's an idea: why don't you just ask everybody you meet to get you a Miller Lite, because lord knows this whole asking-one-person-to-get-your-order kind of system just ain't cuttin' the kind of mustard you get in the back of a Rolls, now is it?"